Boo Shay’s Crazy Money

Boo-Shay’s thinking he’s in the driver’s seat after he “niggered” Miss Doolittle out of teaching for a month. Surely, she would show him the respect he deserved as the prince of fast thinkin. After all, who would have thought of making her look like a blatant racist, as she was one of the sweetest, kindest ladies he had ever met.  And, he really didn’t want to hurt the bitch unless he had to, so she better straighten up when she gets back to school.

Miss Doolittle just didn’t learn her lesson. She came to class the first day and started taking roll when she looks up and she sees her nemesis eating candy and holding court in the back of the room. Miss Doolittle walks to the back of the room and tells Boo-Shay that she wasn’t gonna put up with him anymore. She grabs his Crown Royal bag and goes to the trash can in front of the room and begins opening Boo’s candy, one piece at a time, and throwing it in the trash.

Boo jumps out of his seat infuriated!

He runs at Miss Doolittle wide open, grabbing her shirt just above her breasts and slams her head into a cubical wall as hard as he could. Dazed and scared, Miss Doolittle lets out a guttural sobbing yelp, and slowly walks out of the room crying. All the kids were watching her, but afraid to look back at Boo, as they can hear him mumbling something under his breath about the bitch better leave him alone.

Boo knows the principal’s footsteps…sort of like a deliberate stomp step coming down the hall. She wasn’t a big woman but mean and tough. She understood the hood and knew what it took to deal with baby gangsters like Boo.

Miss Doolittle and the principal were both finished with Boo. The principal snatches Boo out of his desk and marches him back to her office. She asks him, “Boy, are you crazy?” And Boo thinks fast and starts acting erratic, talking to himself and twitching his eyes. Then the principal calls his mother to come get him.

Boo’s mother is told by the principal that she was ordering a psychological evaluation for sweet little Boo. Initially, Boo’s mother throws a fit!  But after a few minutes, Boo’s mother breaks down and cries saying, “I knew dey’s somethin’ wrong wit him, he been actin’ crazy for couple years.”

The principal tells Boo’s mother that she will make an appointment for him and be in touch. Boo-Shay’s mother drags him to her car and yells at him, “Thanks to your little black ass, we gonna get us a psycho check!

You’re in da money boy!

Way to go!”

For those who don’t know, there is some good money in having a child in the inner-city that is deemed psychologically impaired. They call it Psychological Disability and it pays about $750 per month. So, to commit fraud to get it is just part of the game.  Gotta be slick to get the money outta da government, dat’s jus da “buck naked truth”.

Time to celebrate!

Boo goes to take a written psychological test and then gets an appointment with a psychologist for an evaluation.

To win this game, Boo has to act authentically crazy or his mother will beat the crap out of him. His mother says, “If you want some new clothes and something for Christmas, your ass better acts crazy.”

So, Boo puts an old tie on and ties it sideways and upside down. He puts hair bows on his arms and thick yellow mustard on his eye brows.

When he gets to the psychologist’s office, he sits at a table opposite the doctor with an animal puzzle between them. The doctor spills the pieces on the table and tells Boo to put the corresponding animal figure in the right cutout on the board. And Boo skillfully put the frog over the horse and the goat over the cow and so on while talking to his invisible friend, Kabuki.

When the psychologist saw Boo was finished, he told Boo-Shay that he did good. Boo-Shay then picks up the board, as per his mother’s instruction, and threw it at the doctor and went totally nuts jumping up and down and running in circles while uttering every profanity he could think of under his breath.

The doctor calms Boo down and gets him a pack of crackers and soft drink and asks Boo if he minded reading a little bit to the doctor. Boo just stares at him and nods yes.

The doctor pulls a stack of cards out that had words like cat, dog, me, you, store, and home written boldly on the front. He then asks Boo to pronounce them and Boo looked at each card and just made up a word. Before Boo-Shay spoke, he would ask Kabuki how to say dat word and then he would stutter and stammer at every word.

The doctor eventually told Boo to enjoy his snack and left the room to talk to Boo’s mother.

The doctor with tears in his eyes and obviously emotionally shaken, tells Boo’s mother that he is certain Boo has serious psychological problems and that he is so sorry that she has to endure it. He also said he would file a report with the state. Boo’s mother brings her A-game and breaks down crying.

A few minutes later as Boo and his mother get in the car, Boo’s mother says, “Boy, you did a hellava job, you’s crazy boy and wez gonna be rich!”

To be continued….

THOUGHTS OF THE HUNTER KIND:

Boo was well-trained by a somewhat devious mother, but she was simply trying to improve her lifestyle at the expense of an invisible creature called government. Who among her peers would blame her as she had developed special skills for this game of street survival?  And, Boo-Shay was just walking in darkness working on his testimony… he just didn’t know it.

PRAYER:

Ephesians 2:1-5

Lord, Boo and I were on different paths to gratify our cravings, and we were definitely dead in our transgressions but you rescued us. It took both of us a long time to see your Grace even though you were with us the whole time. So, Jesus guide us in this rescue mission you have us on. We don’t want to lose one sin-sick fool. Amen.

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